the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
