no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
