Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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