I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
