So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
