Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
