she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
