First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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