it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
