why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
