yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
