4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
