I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
