I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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