4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
