About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
