What did we do last night that was yellow?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
