Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
