Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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