The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
