wanna go halves on a baby?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
