Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
