you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
