Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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