Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
