I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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