I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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