Are we in a gay sports bar?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
