i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
