Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So I just went to clothing optional bar
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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