Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
