never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
