Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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