Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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