i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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