Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
