walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
