Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
