yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
