tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
