Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
