Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
