Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
