Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
