hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
