Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
