so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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