i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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