I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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