At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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