Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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